The Almanac
The Fucking
French
Year
Twelve months. Twelve truths. One country that refuses to apologize for any of them.
12 chapters · 12 printable calendar pages · Both free
"Other countries measure a year in quarters.
France measures it in bridges,
in fermetures annuelles,
in a paper crown worn for one afternoon."
Twelve months
A calendar of
contradictions
Janvier
The Month of Promises We Have Already Broken
Every French person makes resolutions. Every French person breaks them by January 3rd. The cheese has already won. This is not weakness. This is tradition.
Février
The Month We Pretend Not to Care About Love
Mars
The Return of the Strike
Avril
April Fools, Taken Far Too Seriously
Mai
The Month of Bridges
Juin
The Slow Collapse of the School Year
Juillet
National Pride, Scheduled Annually
Août
The Country Closes
Septembre
The Real New Year
Octobre
The Strikes, Season Two
Novembre
Wine, Weather, and Remembering
Décembre
Family, Food, and the Annual Negotiation
Bonus
A printable wall calendar.
2026. Twelve pages.
Every month, a real calendar grid, a tagline, and a small illustration in the same gravure style as the book. Print it. Pin it above your desk. Live by it — or against it.
↓ Download the CalendarThe full year.
Book + calendar. Free. No excuses.